Potty Training: Part II

It is confession time here on 'A Japanese Life.' Today is a day that will live on in Hathaway infamy. I have, as of this day, stooped (perhaps 'squatted' is more apt) to a low to which I had promised myself I would never resort.

You see, in this life there are days when Mother Nature, in a most kind and nurturing voice, gently beckons you yonder to fulfill your duties (ha ha, get it?) as a member of the species Homo sapiens and partake of your body's eliminatory functions. There are other days when she screams like a howler monkey.

Today was a day of the second sort.

It is under such conditions, namely a feeling along the lines of a herd of gazelles with freshly sharpened antlers tap-dancing about in my abdomen, that I had my first experience with a Japanese, in-ground toilet. Usually when at work I try my damndest to avoid the situation in which I would be forced to use the bathroom at all. I will be quite honest: Japanese toilets scare me.

However, its seems that I have faced my fear and lived to tell my tale. Thus, having reached a sort of lavatorial enlightenment, I shall share a few nuggets of wisdom with those who have not had the fortune to use a Japanese hole... I mean toilet:

1) Alot yourself a large amount of time such that you may fully embrace and appreciate the traditional Japanese experience you are about to have.

2) Take your pants completely off, but do so without allowing your feet touch the bathroom floor at any point. Inconvenient yes, but is it more inconvenient than an unfortunate misfire or a urine soaked sock?

3) Center yourself over your traditional Japanese hole... err... toilet.

4) Tell yourself repeatedly that you are having a traditional Japanese experience.

5) Check out this MOVIE to understand the rest.

Best of luck! Ganbatte ne!