Hello Harvard

So there I was, sitting, reading, and pondering life's greater questions on the toilet in the morning before work, as is my custom, and my doorbell rang.

 "Whatever could this be?" thought I. 

"Am I late on my rent?" 

"No. It's not due for two weeks"

"Did I run over someone's dog? 

"No. I ride a bicycle with a basket that could squash not even the smallest Chihuahua." 

"..."

Tapped of ideas and with no other obvious reasons to avoid this caller, I shouted "Chotto matte." (Japanese for: "Wait a freaking second you impudent feral pig") wiped as best I could, and ran to the door.

Overjoyed was I to find that it was neither an irate landlady nor a bereaved pet owner, but rather an old fellow in a postman's uniform holding a large Fedex envelope. Accordingly, I scribbled my initials on his pad, turned around, walked into my living room/dining room/guest room/den/office/breakfast nook/game room and proceeded to shred it open with the excitement of a wolf that found its way into a quadriplegic sheep farm.

After thusly perpetrating violence unto the unsuspecting envelope, my eyes fell upon the shining shield of Harvard Divinity School emblazoned upon a folder. With a quick flick of the wrist and the agility of a panther I opened the folder. 

And what, pray tell was in that folder?

It was a letter from Harvard Divinity School.

And what, pray tell,  did the letter say?

It indicated that, should I choose to attend their fine institution, I would be awarded a full-tuition scholarship and $10,000 annual living stipend.

And what, pray tell, was your reaction young squire?

Being a man of renowned eloquence, I chose a simple, poetic verse with which to celebrate the occasion:

"OMGWTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

And now, after a $250 down payment on my first year's tuition, I am officially a member of Harvard Divinity School's Class of 2011!

BOOO YAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boston, here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!